Life Purpose

Yesterday my sister came to my room in the middle of the night, she was hearing a sound like a scary woman crying. She wanted to check the source of the sound from my room, then when she opened the door she found me laughing out loud instead of a ghost crying. And she was like -___-"

Hahaha... So yesterday I was reading a very funny article from my friend that made me unstoppable laughing 'till my throat got hurt. 'Cause I really feel the same thing like the article says. I would like to share it here, so anyone can laugh as well. :D

Gw baru pulang dari menghadiri undangan nikahan teman. Seminggu ini udah mulai antri undangan, dari nikah hingga akikah. Kayaknya bulan syawal memang afdol untuk menggelar hajatan. Tapi ini masih mending sih dibandingkan bulan lalu sebelum ramadhan. Di bulan itu ada satu hari di mana gw mesti menghadiri lima undangan sekaligus di tempat-tempat yang berbeda. Pejabat aja bisa keki kalo ngelihat gw. Anak gw sampe gak kerasa tau-tau udah gede aja di kondangan.

Di acara nikah semalam pengantinnya tampak semringah. Sesekali bercanda, towel-towelan, bahagia banget kayaknya. Ya iyalah, nikah gitu loh. Otomatis beres lagi satu jawaban dari dua pertanyaan menyebalkan dalam hidup, di antara pertanyaan "kapan nikah" dan "kapan wisuda".

Dan para jomblo yang baca tulisan ini pun mulai was-was arahnya ke mana nih tulisan. Kampret nih si Arham, pasti ujung-ujungnya kita dibully lagi nih. Hihihi.. tenang aja bray.. Don't be a person who gets annoyed easily. Harus diakui kalo jomblo itu memang bullyable, topik yang gak ada matinya, dan paling enak dicari punch line-nya.
Tapi insyaallah kali ini gw berusaha obyektif, dengan bertutur berdasarkan pengalaman.
Bukan apa-apa sih, tadi barusan liat gambar cover majalah Hidayah "Menghina Jomblo, Jenazah Susah Dikebumikan". Hiiiy, walaupun gw tau itu gambar editan tapi tetap merinding juga bacanya.

Ngomongin jomblo, gw jadi flashback masa-masa menderita saat masih menyandang status jomblo istiqomah dulu. Kebetulan waktu itu gw boleh di bilang Jokowi (Jomblo Koordinator Wilayah) di daerah gw. Maksudnya tersisa gw doang di angkatan seusia yang masih jomblo. Teman-teman sekolah udah nikah semua. Para mantan malah sudah pada punya anak.
Awkward moment banget kalo berpapasan mantan di jalan yang lagi gandengan ama suami dan anak-anak, perihnya itu sampe ke ulu hati. Untuk sekadar menyapa aja lidah jadi kelu, bibir kaku. Tenggorokan kering, dan susah buang air besar.

Yang paling terasa itu susah tidur. Gak enak banget..
Untuk bisa tidur nyenyak, gak jarang gw bela-belain ke mini market dulu. Gak beli apa-apa. Cuma pengen dapet ucapan "met malem" dari mbak-mbak kasirnya, trus pulang.
Yang penting ada yang ucapin. Ngenes lah pokoknya. Waktu itu gw perkirakan mbak-mbak kasirnya bergumam: kasian ni orang. Udah jomblo, insomnia lagi.

Di pagi hari, melihat orang pacaran beli sarapan dua bungkus, gw juga ikutan beli dua bungkus. Bukan untuk siapa-siapa. Tapi satu buat dimakan sendiri, satunya lagi buat dipanasi untuk makan siang.

Gitu juga kalo ngisi pulsa, paling-paling hanya untuk ngikut kuis-kuis gak jelas, dukungan premium untuk idol-idol di tivi, atau hanya untuk memperpanjang masa aktif kartu. Lagian mau SMSan ama siapa juga? Bahkan saking lamanya menjomblo, masuk ke inbox SMS togel dan operator telkomsel pun buru-buru gw balas: tau nomerku dari mana? Hadehh..

Saat menghadiri kondangan tanpa bawa partner, seolah terasing di keramaian. Ibarat nun mati di antara idgam bilagunnah, terlihat tapi dianggap gak ada.
Jadi jomblo memang hampir gak ada benernya. Pledoi gw mentah di mata orang-orang. Kalo gw membela diri dengan mengatakan jomblo itu free, mereka jawab iya freehatin.
Kalo gw bilang biar jomblo yang penting kece, mereka jawab iya kecepian.
Kalo gw bilang lagi jomblo itu pilihan, mereka jawab yang pilihan itu single, bukan jomblo. Kalo jomblo itu bukan pilihan, tapi puluhan. Puluhan yang nolak. Aaaarghhh...
Tapi emang ada benernya juga sih. Teman-teman wanita gw sebenarnya banyak, tapi rata-rata sebastian (sebatas teman tanpa kepastian). Padahal dalam hubungan itu kan harus ada feed back, dua-duanya harus ada usaha. Kalo gw doang yang usaha itu namanya wira usaha.
Gw nyaris depresi gara-gara ini. Kalo gagal ginjal itu penyebab kematian nomor dua, maka penyebab kematian nomor satu itu gagal jadian.

Malam minggu bukan hanya jadi malam yang panjang, tapi panjang dan menyeramkan. Kadang merasa bosan, kadang merasa sendiri, dan kadang juga merasa bosan sendiri.
Orang pacaran tatap-tatapan mata, orang Long Distance Relationship tatap-tatapan foto, gw malah tatap-tatapan dengan bulan. Mending kalo bulannya supermoon kayak kemarin malam, kan enak dilihat, lah ini bulannya udah eneg dilihat. Emak gw jadi cemas kalo keseringan menatap bulan trus tiba-tiba kuku gw jadi panjang, badan berbulu, dan berubah jadi serigala, meskipun gak ganteng-ganteng. Kan gak lucu..

Atas kekuatiran emak gw itu juga sampe emak sendiri yang inisiatif membentuk tim untuk mengakhiri kemarau asmara yang gw alami. Keluarga besar dikerahkan demi mencarikan gw pasangan hidup. Pokoknya gerakannya terstruktur, sistematis, dan masif.
Saat tau ada wanita khilaf yang mau, emak gw sampe tumpengan. Acara nikahan digelar di dua propinsi berbeda. Mungkin pernikahan gw dianggap sebagai prestasi terbesar dalam hidup. Hiks..
Kisah ini sempat gw jadikan buku, judulnya Dumba-Dumba Gleter, terbitan Gramedia Pustaka Utama, tahun 2010. Tapi sekarang bukunya udah gak beredar dan gak diproduksi lagi, karena disinyalir mengandung konten LGBT (Langsung Gemas Begitu Terbaca). Halah, garing...

Jadi intinya sebenarnya mari meminimalisir status jomblo. Seruan ini khususnya untuk laki-laki. Kalo perempuan kan tinggal menerima doang. Jangan kebanyakan milih lah, ntar lagi kiamat loh. Gak usah pake standar tinggi kalo gak mau jatuhnya sakit.
Sebelum menetapkan tipe orang yang menurutmu ideal buatmu, sebaiknya pikirkan dulu satu hal: apa kira-kira orang seperti itu mau sama kamu?
Jangan-jangan lu ngarep kayak Nabilah, karena kelamaan milih ntar dapatnya Nauzubillah.
Tanamkan keseriusan. Jadi laki-laki itu harus punya prinsip atau pegangan hidup. Bukan yang dipegang langsung hidup loh ya..
Yang perempuan juga jangan mau digantung, jemuran aja kalo digantung lama pasti hilang, apalagi perasaan.
Kalo udah pacaran, jangan jaim tanya kepastian, biar gak kelamaan pacarannya, karena dampak positif kelamaan pacaran itu hanya satu, yaitu positif hamil. Sorry to say..

Tapi, apapun itu, tetaplah 3-B: Berusaha, Berdoa, dan sesekali Bercermin.
Jangan sungkan untuk minta bantuan ke orang-orang terdekat.
Kalo udah ada niat baik, insyaallah pasti dimudahkan.
Yakinlah, jodoh pasti bertemu, kalopun gak jodoh ya masih bisa bertamu..

HAHAHAA....... it's funny isn't it? xD

Still can't stop laughing myself every time I read it.

Well I don't know if it's coincidence or not, but tonight my mom asked me 'The Question' about the same topic like the article above. My mom asked me what kind of person I want to marry. Then she asked me to do some effort about it, like finding your soul mate in the internet for example. Mmmm... haha I think I need to get things straight.

First thing, about what kind of person I want to marry.

My mom asked whether I want a foreigner or a local or what kind of man I am looking for. Well, I don't know why my mom suddenly asked this question. Is my mom planning to gather a team like the story above to find me someone to get married with? :D She said I need to have a purpose in life, including about finding the right one. I know my mom starts to worry about me, since I'm almost thirty in a couple of years and I haven't show any significant sign of 'having a purpose'.

My mom keeps seeing me enjoying the life, I watch movies, hanging around, I eat nice food, laying on my bed for hours, maybe to her I don't look like having a purpose in life. Anyone who sees it would say the same thing, I don't doubt it. But actually I do have a purpose in my life, it's just that recently I tried to enjoy the life since I just went through a lot of hardship. So I feel like having a vacation. Back to the topic of what kind of man I want to marry. To be honest, I don't know how to answer if someone ask what kind of person that suitable for me. I'm afraid to have a purpose of what kind of man I should marry, because I don't really know what is best for me. I believe Allah knows the best for me, so I trust that Allah has prepared something good. All I need to do is to be patient and pray while waiting for the time to come.

Talking about soul mate, I do have some preferences about what kind of man that I like. ;) If my preference that my mom was meant about by asking this 'purpose' thing, then sure I have purposes. First thing first, he has to be a moslem. I cannot marry a man with a different religion, it's not allowed in Islam. Especially for woman, we obligate to marry someone who has the same religion so he can lead us to the right way. Looking for a moslem man to be marry is a main thing, then the important thing after finding it is he has to practice 5 times prayer. There's no excuse, all of moslem are obligate to pray 5 times a day. Then next is I expect he can read Al-Qur'an. I like to hear someone who recites Al-Qur'an nicely, it feels peaceful and soothing. We need more men in this world who can lead the family with the guidance of Qur'an and Hadist.

Then about the race, I don't limit myself specifying what race I am looking for. Any kind of race will do, people are the same in front of Allah SWT, what makes us different is our hearts and deeds. It is said that the most pious person among us is the one who is more obedient to Allah SWT, isn't it?

Next thing is about habits and behavior. I think it's better to be with someone who's not smoking. It is healthier to live with a person who can appreciate a good air to breath and knows how to be grateful for the perfect lung that Allah has given to us by not ruin it with poisonous smoke. And personally, I have an asthma. It gets worse if I breath polluted, dusty, and humid air. I will need oxygen and medication.

Talking about physic, I like someone who is taller than me. :) Since I'm a bit short, so I kinda like to see a tall man. Like many others, of course I like a good looking companion for me to see everyday. I know this good looking thing is very relative, someone says that beauty lies in the eye of the beholder. It's true, but by looking at my background from the art department, I can't deny that I'm a very visual person. Visual does matter to me. I know that I'm not a Victoria's Secret angel who should expect a Calvin Klein model to be with me. At least, every time I see him I feel at ease.

Sometimes I feel not ready to get married because I kinda bit afraid about sharing the burden together. Honestly, I already have my own burden. I'm not ready and I don't think I'm capable to have another burden to add. Living in a family without a man to protect us, has given me a lot of things to do. Since my dad already passed away, so now the responsible seems like coming to me. My vision about a soul mate is someone who can take that burden and do something about it. That's my version of the man I needed, the one who won't let a woman carry the load by herself.

"Arrijalu Qawwamuna 'Ala Nisa" (man is the protector of women) - QS. An-Nisa : 34

I always wanted to travel the world, to see beautiful places and experience different cultures, people, stories. And I know I cannot do it alone, how lonely it would be to travel by yourself. I've experienced it once when I went to West Sumatra by myself. It was cool, I acted like I was brave enough and pretended that going alone is okay. But deep in my heart, I knew that the journey would be better if I had someone to talk to along the way. The trip was nice, but I was so lonely. The trip didn't leave any memorable impression but me walking by myself.

So I am hoping that by getting married I will have someone to enjoy the journey together.

Second thing, about my effort to get married that my mom asked me to do, for example like finding it in the internet. Haha, I wish I could just type 'who is my soul mate' in google search and enter. :D

I did my findings by going through some acquaintanceship, my friends many times helped me by introducing their friends, my family also helped me several times, but still haven't got anything from there. I know that marriage required process, and process takes time. So, if it's meant to be then it will be. If it's not then it's not destined to be.

But I won't do the process through dating, I prefer to do it with ta'aruf (a process of introducing each other by mediator in order to get married in Islam). Ta'aruf is a fair process, both sides have an equal position in the introduction process. It's like a business, both sides may give requirements of what criteria they're expecting, and both sides should provide their complete profile so the mediator can provide the candidates based on the criteria and backgrounds. So I may say it's like a business proposal. Even though cannot be denied that the man has the first turn to choose candidate, but the woman has the right to accept it or not. If she accepts it then the introduction will continue in more serious acquaintanceship. Ta'aruf has time limit, it cannot occur too long. The time limit is only 3 or 6 months in standard, and maximum 1 year. So if it looks like things aren't work out well, then the process will be stopped for good. If it looks like it's good, then both sides will be suggested to make the process of marriage faster to minimize the tension and avoid anything bad occurred.

Ta'aruf process doesn't require love to get married, it required a person who is ready for marriage. Whether it is the financial, the physic, or mentality that is ready for marriage. Otherwise, the candidate will be seen as not eligible to be considered.

It's very different with dating. Dating is an unfair process, it's not an equal way of process to get married. One side can take advantage of another side without giving any assurance. And this dating process of acknowledging each other has no time limit. So it can take a thousand years in dating just to find out whether he or she is the one. And it tends to fail if it takes longer, the only thing positive is pregnant if it takes too long just what the article above said. Haha, no offence.

I keep talking about marriage but actually I know nothing about it since I haven't got married. ;) But I have learnt a lot from my parents, so it makes me more cautious. The more you learnt, the more scared you become. It's true that if we don't know anything, it gives us more happiness. Stupid people are the happiest. That's why the happiness level in Indonesia is quite high among other countries. We may proud about this. Hahaha.... xD

Well, I don't know what my future will be. I just hope that there's someone who can accept me and love me for who I am, the miserable complicated perfectionist me. With all my effort I hope that I can accept and love him too. Vise Versa.