Sincerity

Sometimes I think those who can be truly sincere in what they do to others, are those who are sufficient enough. Sufficient doesn't always mean wealthy, but it means that they already feel they have enough, they have achieved what they wanted, accomplished their ambitions, and whatsoever so it doesn't matter to them whether what they do will have a reward or not.

A few years ago, I stopped by to an orphan house with my dad. I told my dad that I wanted to prove a theory which quite popular that time about 'sedekah' (charity), it says that if we give 100.000, it will come back to us 10 times or even more. So I did the charity in order to get the return at least 10 times more than what I give. But my dad didn't look so happy about it. I really remembered his expression that day. Then after I came back from the orphan house, my dad advised me, "If you want to give then just give it in order to help them. Don't expect something like that." Suddenly I feel so ashamed of what I did, I thought he would proud of me. I felt I was such a low person. But he was right, I understand it a few years later.

Currently I'm running a hijab business, at the first time I started I feel like a thirsty person every time I see my own products. I want to keep for myself every single thing of each product that I sell. Then after awhile I get bored and had enough. I didn't keep as much as before, okay I still keep it but only one or two not as crazy as the first time.

It reminds me of my relative's story, she has an acquaintance that really generous. Let's call this acquaintance as 'B'. B has an assistant, and B really trust him so much. Then one day B's assistant betrayed him by selling his car without permission. He said he needs money that's why he did it. But shockingly B didn't get upset, he even understand his condition. B feels okay with it, even forgave what he did. Then we just found out that B has a business that has an income at least a hundred million for each round. It's only from one business and one round, B has plenty of businesses. So no wonder, loosing a car doesn't mean a thing to him.

The same thing goes to a seller on the street that I met when I was still in college. He offered me his mineral water that he sell because he pitied on me seeing I looked so pathetically exhausted waiting for a bus to come.

And another story of a city transport driver that refused to receive money I gave him because my journey was too short. And many sincerity that I saw comes from people who had enough with themselves.

It's not about judging or having a precise analysis whether someone is sincere or not. Because as a human, as we're still alive we will keep learning to be a better person each day.

The point is, are we able to lead ourselves to the point where it doesn't matter anymore whether what we do, we give, or what to say to others won't matter whether it will come back to us or not? Whether nobody see it or not? Whether people care about it or not?

Well I'm not sure either whether I can do it or not, but my dad was right. I keep remember this lesson every time I want to give something to others. I keep asking myself a few times before I give it, whether I give it just for my own sake or I give it because I sincerely want to give it. Anyway this sincerity lesson is the last thing my dad taught me before he passed away. Now I kinda miss him, I still need to learn a lot from him but I don't have a chance anymore. Loosing someone / something that we love so much can teach us a lot of things that words cannot describe. Loosing can teach us a truly meaning of what life is.