Be The Change That You Want To See

I just wondering tonight about something and I've been thinking sometimes, there are times when I don't like some figures I meet in my life. I often demand others to be as what I want to see. I expect more from people to treat me as I wish.

Then I realized, before we blame others and wondering why they become such, maybe it's a good thing if we contemplate for a while about it.

First and foremost, I try to think in a positive way, everybody have their own reason for all the things they do. They have their own personal life history that made them as someone you see.

Second, maybe I have a different perspective from them that makes me wonder the way they behave. Maybe I'm the one who's right, and maybe they're the one who's right. Even though I think and I think again that I was right, then I think it's best for me trying to sympathize those who mistreated me. They might didn't have a good understanding toward others or they might have a problem, or they're just become emotional at the moment. We become emotional sometimes, don't we? And vice versa, it might be me who become emotional so then I see everything is not good or I might have a problem that lead me to think that I was being mistreated, or it might be me who don't have a good understanding toward others. Everything is possible.

"People are the same, it's just their perpectives are different. And the situations too." - Choi Seo Yoon in the Empire of Gold movie.

"People always think that they are different. But in the end, they shall lied in the graveyard side by side." - Choi Min Jae's father in the Empire of Gold movie.

There's a good advise I remember from Quraish Shihab, a well-known Indonesian Islamic scholar / pious, he said the best way to respond others in a difficult situation, you may say :

"If you were right, then may Allah forgives me for my mistaken. If I were right, then may Allah forgives you for your mistaken." 

It is quoted from a hadith, but pardon me I haven't find the original reference.

Third, as a moslem we should never blame Allah SWT for everything that happened to us. If Allah put you in it, then Allah will help you through it. Allah never gives any trial bigger than our capability. And Allah knows the best for us.

I believe every problem has its own solution. When we don't like someone who mistreated us, I figured out there are a couple of ways to deal with it. First, change your perspective. Try to place your self in their position, see every posibility that made them behave as such. Here, you act as an investigator. Collect all the facts that lead to the situation then connect them together. Hence, you may have an assumption of what actually happened.

Second, once you find out what's going on, you may talk to them from heart to heart to find the best way to solve it. Communication is the key, some people say. Do not make a frontal encounter at the time you know that the situation is bad. It may worsen the situation. Find a time when everyone is cool to talk easily. Remember, just do not say bad things when we're upset. 'Cause we might regret it later. (I experienced it many times of how fool I was, then I felt sorry about it.) Try our best to hold our anger, avoid arguments that lead to nothing. It doesn't matter who win or lose, there's no point of winning or losing in a bad situation. The important thing is to clear misunderstanding.

Third. If all the ways don't work, you couldn't find anything to solve the problem, then maybe the best solution just to let it be as it is. My sister ever told me, do not stir the turbid water. You won't see anything. Wait until the dirts settled, then you will see clear water. When people forget, maybe they will forgive. Let the time answer what we cannot.

Maybe some occurrences in our life happen to make us a better person each day. Or maybe it happens in order to be a lesson for others. Or else. I'm not sure either, I keep wondering from time to time for all the things happened and for some I couldn't find any answer.

Anyway, a few days ago I just watched a Korean action film played by Lee Min Ho, one of the most well-known Korean actor lately. The drama title is City Hunter. It's a quite famous action film, the story was adapted from Japanese comic "Tsukasa Hojo". There's a scene where the hero in this film told his father that he doesn't want to take revenge the way the bad people did to him. He avoided to create another person who's going to feel as bad as him when mistreated by others. He might be a victim, but he has his own ways to return the bad deeds with something better.

Well by the way it's true that I've been spending my time recently with Korean movies, so I blabber a lot about it. Please pardon me for enjoying the time with movies. ;D

One of my friend suggested me, whenever I feel down, try to find a way to comfort yourself. Don't stuck in your problem, give yourself a time to relax. The key is you have to feel good first before solving the problem. It could be many ways. You may cry as long as you would if that makes you feel better, you may scream out loud, you may eat as much as you can take, you may take a trip to a far far away, you may watch movies, or you may just sleep as long as you wish, anything but screwing up yourself. Just don't let yourself drown thinking over and over about one matter that bothers you. Just forget it for a while. As for me, my runaway stuffs would be coffee, cakes, meaningless movies, funny movies, silly books, and sleeping. Those are my guilty pleasures. ;P Well, I do cry sometimes, when I can't take it anymore. But since I like laughing, I will find any silly movies after crying. I'm not that serious, in fact I like being around with people who have a good sense of humor. :D


Back to solution. Once you're set in a better mood after relaxing yourself, there you may start thinking how to solve one matter after another. This is just one of the way that may be good to try. I'm sure there're many other ways to solve your problems. As a moslem, I keep remembering this verse from the holy Qur'an :

“And seek assistance through patience and prayer…” [Al-Baqarah 2:45]

Last but not least. You may try this as well. There's a quote saying "Be the change that you want to see". So, if you don't like being treated bad then try to treat others well. If you don't like being abandoned, then try to care more. If you want to be helped in times of hard, try to be the one who helps those who needed. If you don't like being yelled at, try to speak gently. If you want to be loved, then embrace the heart.


Some says that wisdom comes from experience. I like to write words of wisdom, but I'm not a wise person. I may be good in theory, but I'm as flaw as most of the people in the world. I just feel better when I write, I write for myself. So then one day when I forget who I was back then, hopefully I can find myself again through my journal.

The Empire of Gold

I just finished watching 24 episodes of a very thoughtful Korean Drama called "The Empire of Gold". The film tells about a story of some people who fight against each other to get the highest position in a huge company. Those people sacrifice everything in their life in order to take over the company after the owner passed away. Those who struggled were the ones that very close to the owner himself, which are his wife, his children, and his nephew. Even the people around him that used to help running the company, also eager so badly to reach the golden seat.

The company owner, Choi Dong Sung, even didn't know that his wife, Han Jung Hee, was marrying him for 27 years with a plan that someday she will replace the position. He just knew it when he was about to die. She could bearly hold the ambition within herself without anyone knowing by showing somewhat like a sincere looking face to the whole family. Choi Dong Sung has three children from the first wife, and then he married again to the second wife which is Han Jung Hee, after the first one deceased. Han Jung Hee has one son from her previous husband that she brought secretly into her new family by making them believed that the son she carried was her son with Choi Dong Sung. Her motive that drives her to chase the highest seat is to take revenge for the lost of her previous husband that caused by Sung Jin Group, Choi Dong Sung's huge company. She's able to act like she really likes the people in the family by showing kindness in front of them though she hates them the most.

At the first match of getting the highest seat, the match was occured between Han Jung Hee, Choi Dong Sung's youngest daughter named Choi Seo Yoon, and Choi Seo Yoon's cousin Choi Min Jae. Then the other person from outside of the family, Jang Tae Joo, suddenly came as well to get the position. The fourth of them have their own motives in getting the position. Han Jung Hee as mentioned before, she wants to take revenge of the lost of her previous husband. Choi Seo Yoon, the owner's daughter, also has her own motive. She thinks that she is the one who deserves and has the right to get the position because she is the heir of her beloved father, so she has to protect her family's wealth no matter what. Choi Min Jae, the cousin, has his own perspective that lead him to think that he also has the right to own the company since his father is the owner's brother. And the last fighter Jang Tae Joo, his own motive arose from the death of his father that caused by the company as well as happened to Han Jung Hee's husband.

By the time they're struggling, their greeds have blinded them to distinguish between the good and the bad. Each and one of them don't have any conscience anymore toward others around them. They only want to win that they would do anything to get rid others who might become obstacles. Sometimes when people chase for gold, they forget people around them and everything they already have. Until all those precious things in their life gone, they just realized that they lost everything by the time they reach the destination which what-so-called success. This what happened to those four people who fell for money and power.

Han Jung Hee lost her precious life time for over 27 years for her never ending revenge and greed. Thus she lost to spend time together in happiness with her only son, Choi Sung Jae. Her son kept asking her to stop from doing whatever she was doing, and just leave Sung Jin Group family's big house together with him somewhere they can spend their life with smile and laughter. But she didn't listen until her son went to jail, became the victim of her own greed. Then she regrets it 'till finally she faced the death and realized everything is too late, yet she didn't have anymore time to spend.

In the other hand, Choi Min Jae is not different either. He lost his wife, his father got to jail to help him covering his faults, and by the end he had to suffer himself in prison as well. Though once he won the position of chairman, he still didn't satisfy when he had to left the position. With his greed he still want to have the glory as long as he could.

Jang Tae Joo, the ordinary man who came from poor family, had successfully climb up the life status to top managerial position in the company with his clever brain. And he's able to enter the Sung Jin family's big house by marrying Choi Seo Yoon, although it's just a deal marriage for business purpose. Yet he still not satisfy, at the time he swam deeper and deeper to dig the gold, he got blinded as well. He committed a murder by accident and also responsible in giving order to demolish a building which caused several people injured and one death. Not only those, he also lost his girlfriend, Yoon Seol Hee, the one who used to support him. The good thing is by the end he realized he had lost everything. Might be trigger by the situation that put his girlfriend in danger and no matter what he still loves her, with his conscious mind he returned everything. He gave up all the things he had and return to his home taking care the family. But maybe due to unbearable guilty and sin, which in fact he has killed several people, in the end of story he decided to jump off the cliff to the deep ocean.

"Well... I'm not going to heaven. I don't know anyone in heaven anyway. It's true that Sung Jin Group household is hell. But Seol Hee...if you survive hell... then that place will become heaven." — Jang Tae Joo

Finally Choi Seo Yoon, the heir to the throne. She won the competition to own most of the company shares, thus it gives her the power to rule the company. She's not taking it for granted, she throw her life and every little things she had to struggle. Since the company established by her own father, she has the right to own it. Now we know that it's not an easy thing to maintain things that already built than to start it from scratch, even it's been settled and we just need to run it accordingly. Although Choi Seo Yoon has a good intention actually to save the family's inheritance from outsiders, but she made a hard decision to get rid of her other siblings from the battle. She's indeed had a choice to divide the power equally, but she couldn't do it in order to win the majority of company shares. It might seems that she won the battle, but in fact she lost as well as the other three people. Nobody wants to be with her because she looks horrible to others. At the end, the winner stands alone, just like Paulo Coelho said.

"Only when they are discriminated against, they demand equality. When they're discriminating, equality is brothersome isn't it?" — Choi Seo Yoon

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At the first seeing this film, I wasn't interesting at all. I really don't like the film setting that looks old fashion, from the furnitures to the clothes. And even more, the expression and gestures of the role players are too stiff, extremely serious and tense. But my mom kept telling me to watch it because the story is very good, disregard all the film settings and expressions.

Then I realized she's right, this film is really good. You must watch it yourself. It's a very thoughtful drama with meaningful scripts. The players also fused with the roles, they played the characters well. They didn't move that much, only by playing face expressions they could draw the mood. It's not an easy one to understand, but once you do, it will teach us many good things about life.

I keep thinking more and more after watching this serial drama. I could barely see that even in reality gold blinded people just like Goblin in The Lord of The Ring movie, who keeps saying "my precious.. my precious.." when seeing the golden ring. In the end the precious ring vanished in the volcanic mud and as well as he, jumped off himself to the mud after the ring. The precious turned Goblin to nothing.

"Some people smile even they're in hell, but you walk around looking for gold even in heaven." — Yoon Seol Hee

Seeing Han Jung Hee role's in this movie that amazingly she could have double face, the true one full of grudge she hid for herself and the other one appeared nice to people, makes my mom said that in reality this kind of people might exist in this world. But though you really don't like someone, don't treat them badly. Because you never know today they might be your enemy, but the other day they might be the one who could help you. Just becareful to this kind of people, keep a distance from them, not too close not too far. Close enough to see what they're look up to. Sometimes we need to come up with strategy to face different kind of people. That's what my mom advised.

I salute Choi Seo Yoon's role, the daughter of the company owner that several times had made some tough decisions. Despite her coldness leading the company herself without any sensitive emotion, she still have heart towards others. She didn't take revenge to Han Jung Hee who treated her badly before. She didn't repeat the same act when she was prevented by Han Jung Hee to see her father in hospital at the end of her father's life. She still let Choi Sung Jae to meet his mother, Han Jung Hee, for the last time of her life. Even she promised her that she would take care of her son as her own brother and give him a good position in the company. She did that because she doesn't want Choi Sung Jae to feel the way she feels being treated bad.

Not many people can do this. Only those who have a heart of a king that could forgive and return the bad with good deeds. Only those whose heart as wide as an ocean.

If I'm being asked whether to live the life as Choi Seo Yoon's living in the empire of gold, I don't think I'd be able to do it. It's not the kind of life that I want to live. I found some nice quotes here which draw nicely the idea of a simple and modest life that I've been imagined. Hope we can find a real happiness from what we already have.

“So many people live within unhappy circumstances and yet will not take the initiative to change their situation because they are conditioned to a life of security, conformity, and conservatism, all of which may appear to give one peace of mind, but in reality nothing is more dangerous to the adventurous spirit within a man than a secure future. The very basic core of a man’s living spirit is his passion for adventure. The joy of life comes from our encounters with new experiences, and hence there is no greater joy than to have an endlessly changing horizon, for each day to have a new and different sun.”
— Alexander Supertramp (from 'Into The Wild' movie)

"I have lived through much, and now I think I have found what is needed for happiness. A quiet secluded life in the country, with the possibility of being useful to people to whom it is easy to do good, and who are not accustomed to have it done to them; then work which one hopes may be of some use; then rest, nature, books, music, love for one’s neighbor — such is my idea of happiness."
— Leo Tolstoy (Family Happiness and Other Stories)

"There is pleasure in the pathless woods,
There is rapture on the lonely shore,
There is society where none intrudes,
By the deep sea and the music in its roar;
I love not man the less, but Nature more."
— Lord Byron

“Hapiness is real when shared”
— Christopher McCandless