Be The Change That You Want To See

I just wondering tonight about something and I've been thinking sometimes, there are times when I don't like some figures I meet in my life. I often demand others to be as what I want to see. I expect more from people to treat me as I wish.

Then I realized, before we blame others and wondering why they become such, maybe it's a good thing if we contemplate for a while about it.

First and foremost, I try to think in a positive way, everybody have their own reason for all the things they do. They have their own personal life history that made them as someone you see.

Second, maybe I have a different perspective from them that makes me wonder the way they behave. Maybe I'm the one who's right, and maybe they're the one who's right. Even though I think and I think again that I was right, then I think it's best for me trying to sympathize those who mistreated me. They might didn't have a good understanding toward others or they might have a problem, or they're just become emotional at the moment. We become emotional sometimes, don't we? And vice versa, it might be me who become emotional so then I see everything is not good or I might have a problem that lead me to think that I was being mistreated, or it might be me who don't have a good understanding toward others. Everything is possible.

"People are the same, it's just their perpectives are different. And the situations too." - Choi Seo Yoon in the Empire of Gold movie.

"People always think that they are different. But in the end, they shall lied in the graveyard side by side." - Choi Min Jae's father in the Empire of Gold movie.

There's a good advise I remember from Quraish Shihab, a well-known Indonesian Islamic scholar / pious, he said the best way to respond others in a difficult situation, you may say :

"If you were right, then may Allah forgives me for my mistaken. If I were right, then may Allah forgives you for your mistaken." 

It is quoted from a hadith, but pardon me I haven't find the original reference.

Third, as a moslem we should never blame Allah SWT for everything that happened to us. If Allah put you in it, then Allah will help you through it. Allah never gives any trial bigger than our capability. And Allah knows the best for us.

I believe every problem has its own solution. When we don't like someone who mistreated us, I figured out there are a couple of ways to deal with it. First, change your perspective. Try to place your self in their position, see every posibility that made them behave as such. Here, you act as an investigator. Collect all the facts that lead to the situation then connect them together. Hence, you may have an assumption of what actually happened.

Second, once you find out what's going on, you may talk to them from heart to heart to find the best way to solve it. Communication is the key, some people say. Do not make a frontal encounter at the time you know that the situation is bad. It may worsen the situation. Find a time when everyone is cool to talk easily. Remember, just do not say bad things when we're upset. 'Cause we might regret it later. (I experienced it many times of how fool I was, then I felt sorry about it.) Try our best to hold our anger, avoid arguments that lead to nothing. It doesn't matter who win or lose, there's no point of winning or losing in a bad situation. The important thing is to clear misunderstanding.

Third. If all the ways don't work, you couldn't find anything to solve the problem, then maybe the best solution just to let it be as it is. My sister ever told me, do not stir the turbid water. You won't see anything. Wait until the dirts settled, then you will see clear water. When people forget, maybe they will forgive. Let the time answer what we cannot.

Maybe some occurrences in our life happen to make us a better person each day. Or maybe it happens in order to be a lesson for others. Or else. I'm not sure either, I keep wondering from time to time for all the things happened and for some I couldn't find any answer.

Anyway, a few days ago I just watched a Korean action film played by Lee Min Ho, one of the most well-known Korean actor lately. The drama title is City Hunter. It's a quite famous action film, the story was adapted from Japanese comic "Tsukasa Hojo". There's a scene where the hero in this film told his father that he doesn't want to take revenge the way the bad people did to him. He avoided to create another person who's going to feel as bad as him when mistreated by others. He might be a victim, but he has his own ways to return the bad deeds with something better.

Well by the way it's true that I've been spending my time recently with Korean movies, so I blabber a lot about it. Please pardon me for enjoying the time with movies. ;D

One of my friend suggested me, whenever I feel down, try to find a way to comfort yourself. Don't stuck in your problem, give yourself a time to relax. The key is you have to feel good first before solving the problem. It could be many ways. You may cry as long as you would if that makes you feel better, you may scream out loud, you may eat as much as you can take, you may take a trip to a far far away, you may watch movies, or you may just sleep as long as you wish, anything but screwing up yourself. Just don't let yourself drown thinking over and over about one matter that bothers you. Just forget it for a while. As for me, my runaway stuffs would be coffee, cakes, meaningless movies, funny movies, silly books, and sleeping. Those are my guilty pleasures. ;P Well, I do cry sometimes, when I can't take it anymore. But since I like laughing, I will find any silly movies after crying. I'm not that serious, in fact I like being around with people who have a good sense of humor. :D


Back to solution. Once you're set in a better mood after relaxing yourself, there you may start thinking how to solve one matter after another. This is just one of the way that may be good to try. I'm sure there're many other ways to solve your problems. As a moslem, I keep remembering this verse from the holy Qur'an :

“And seek assistance through patience and prayer…” [Al-Baqarah 2:45]

Last but not least. You may try this as well. There's a quote saying "Be the change that you want to see". So, if you don't like being treated bad then try to treat others well. If you don't like being abandoned, then try to care more. If you want to be helped in times of hard, try to be the one who helps those who needed. If you don't like being yelled at, try to speak gently. If you want to be loved, then embrace the heart.


Some says that wisdom comes from experience. I like to write words of wisdom, but I'm not a wise person. I may be good in theory, but I'm as flaw as most of the people in the world. I just feel better when I write, I write for myself. So then one day when I forget who I was back then, hopefully I can find myself again through my journal.