I Miss You, Dad...

It's really late at night, and I can't even sleep, dad. Tomorrow I have to go work again, but there are a lot of things that keep me awake. Yesterday I dreamt you picked me up from all of this nightmare. I'm afraid. I'm all alone here. Seems like I've got many friends here, but I can't say who's really a friend. I miss you, dad... I miss to go out with you to Pizza Hut. I know you really like Pizza. I really miss eating your home-made delicious porridge. Sometimes when I go home, you'll take me to Ayam Kremes Restaurant because you know exactly I like it. You didn't mind at all when all I wanted was just being quite when I didn't want to tell anything happened to me. Instead you would tell me some stories to make me laugh or giving some advice and good words to make me feel better. You always picked me up anywhere I asked you to with your old rustic car. I don't mind riding on that car at all, because our family had so many memories there. We had it for a long time since we're all still together as a whole family. That green rustic car taught us so many things. You taught me so many things in that car with many stories. You taught me to live modestly, being honest wherever I am, and be grateful of what we have. You didn't fulfill everything that I wanted. But you always tried your very best to give what I really needed. Thank you dad... I always remember how you said no that day to something that I really wanted. And then I went to the bedroom crying. Then after awhile you asked me to dress up to buy that thing together, even though I knew we're in a difficult economic that time.

Two or three months ago before I left, you said that every moment only happened for once in our life. The moment when you used to drove me to the school everyday. The moment you used to wake up every morning to boil us a pan of hot water for me and my younger brother. So we could take a bath without getting cold, while you took the cold water. How worse I was that moment when I got late, I would angry to you because you didn't wake up early. And when you were praying, I knocked from outside telling you to get hurry. But you never mad to me. I am sorry, dad. I blamed you for everything that happened to us. How could I thought that this is all your fault, and you deserved to get all bad deeds from me. I am really sorry, dad.

I am so sorry that I got failed so many times, dad. Even here, I'm too ashamed to say that I can't make it well. I could have been failed again. These days here were very hard. I'm really tired, I'm so tired. Wish you were here to accompany me. Just like what we used to do, just watching movies together and laugh. Or hearing musics from our favorite radio station while sharing some stories.

I would like to send this by postcard with a good stamp that you might collect. But I'm too afraid to do this kind of sentimental thing. Because our family never used to do that. Dad, wherever you are... I always pray the best for you as you always pray the best for me. Thank you for taking care of me all of this time. I love you, daddy.

Gute nacht. Alles gute. Tschüss.

-your daughter-